October 25th

Dave enjoys decorating the house for Halloween as it reminds him of his childhood and I enjoy the festive mood and his happiness.

He also loves shopping (for anything) and went to the grocery store to buy some candy and small toys for the kids that live in the house directly behind us.

An extra bucket remains, a product of his supermarket sweep prowess. It will get eaten by me if it stays here — I’m fairly certain of this.

Suddenly an idea — Marlena! An excuse to drop over and visit her and Buddy. Not that she probably has much use for M&M’s and orange fidget spinners, but I think she will appreciate the gesture. It’s the thought that counts, right?

I’ve also stolen some of our dog Chase’s treats for Buddy. The reduced-fat version of processed meat jerky for dogs, “skinny beggin strips”, only have the fat of the regular version. Hopefully, he won’t mind — Chase apparently does.

I am fairly restless today. A few calls for work and taking care of some loose ends — thankfully it’s slow. It’s getting harder to focus and concentrate on some things lately, especially with work. I’m typically fairly skilled at pushing my way through, but lately, it is different — a blockage.

Those things are getting harder and harder for me to dedicate any real resources to. Being productive is very important to me but lately, that is becoming harder, and the most mundane of tasks become frustrating chores — like moderating usability testing sessions or prioritizing bugs.

The passion has faded, and I need it more than ever now. But how?

I make a mental note to ask my doctor about maybe adjusting my medications again — it helped with concentration and focus last time.

Quite a few mornings I awake and my first sensation is stomach pain. A dull, aching pain. And even after using the bathroom, it still lingers, sometimes well into the day.

Typically the discomfort always resides by 2 or 3 at the latest. And in those days, I relate my brain to an older engine in need of repair — inconsistent.

Some days, it just won’t start right away. And those are often the days the fatigue sets in — and my entire body just wants to shut down and rest — or hibernate.