This is My Desire

7:43 pm Friday Night

After 5 times checking, there is still no sign of his car. It will get dark shortly, and if he does not get here soon I am going to explode.

The phone says he should be here soon.

Deep breathe— let’s relax.

He’s not coming from very far but I would transport him if possible.

I want it — bad.

And sure enough, sweat collects on my neck. That is typically how this begins – and knowing that makes my desperation feel a little worse.

Oh, a car! Oh — it passes. Pained sigh.

This is ridiculous. I need to go sit down on the sofa and relax. Wheel of fortune is on and while I tend to find Pat a bit screechy – Vanna is a simply a vision in technicolor as usual.

AHa! The doorbell rings.

I am practically wet now and barely trample the animals on the way to the front door.

He is here.

I press and hold my open palm across the cold steel door to ground myself. Let’s not appear too excited. And let’s relax- at least for another few seconds.

Before I let loose and let myself go. A true reprieve from the dullness of real everyday life. These nights are what I live for. And I know how bad that makes me look, but so what. I am done caring what other people think of me.

Is that not why I began writing in the first place?

In an hour-long second, I “calmly” open the door and ready the cash.

“Hey, what’s up” — I say in my very short bro-like voice to let him know there is no time for unnecessary small talk – this is just transactional.

I hand him the cash and he gives me the bag. And in that instant, the reaction begins, whatever this is – it is seeping into me, I can feel something – is this osmosis? Reprieve is instantaneous – but the real fun will begin shortly.

The chicken curry from Mai Place has arrived— and I intend to get a little sloppy tonight.

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